I experienced one of the most emotional days I have had in a while this past weekend. We hosted regionals, which is the qualifier for our national tournament; the top 4 placers in regionals will compete in nationals. The past 5 years of my life have been a roller coaster ride that has given me many emotional highs and lows. There have been times when I felt as if my heart was wrenched like a rusty bolt, and times when I have felt so much joy I thought I was going to burst. I have cried several times (probably shouldn't be admitting that as a wrestler?) for both reasons, the emotional highs and lows. I remember two years ago when I was watching one of my best friends Jeff wrestle in regionals and I thought he wasn't going to qualify because he was sick and didn't initially make it into the top four, then I found out he could challenge for the 4^th place spot and he made it to nationals. I remember crying out of both sadness and joy within hours of each other that day, when I thought Jeff was not going to qualify and then when I found out that he would. It is a funny thing because Jeff talked in his high school senior speech about the reasons wrestling can make a guy cry (there are quite a few).

I experienced all kinds of emotions this weekend and when all was said and done, all I could think about was how unfair life is. I watched, my only fellow senior, Paul's season and college career come to an end. Paul was wrestling in his second match when his opponent pulled his knee outward in a quick motion and Paul's knee popped and in an instant his MCL was torn, he gutted out the rest of the match and won, but he was now a man on one leg. It is mind boggling to me how a person can train and wrestle and compete for six months and then in an instant it all changes. I think this might be somewhat of a reflection on life itself, I feel like life is a gift and you never know when it can change drastically and how quickly that change can come.

Paul is the only guy that I have wrestled with for the entire duration of my college career, we were roommates for four of our five years; Paul taught me how to ride a unicycle, make liver and onions, and how not to ski. I had the awesome privilege of standing next to Paul on his wedding day, and I know he will be right there for mine (well assuming I find a girl and all, I have a big nose ;) Paul is one of the toughest guys I have ever met and one of the most compassionate guys I have ever met. I know without a doubt that he would do anything for me; this is what made it hurt so bad watching his season end like it did.

In my mind Paul deserves to be a national wrestling champion, even though this did not happen for Paul I believe he is what my dad calls a "true champion". A true champion is someone who perseveres, someone who gives his all for what he believes is a good cause no matter what the outcome, someone who gets lost in his friends struggles and finds themselves in the joy of others.  Paul epitomizes a true champion. So I must ask myself, why does a guy like Paul have this happen to him? One of my other best buds on the team Ryan came up to me after Paul's match and told me that it was going to be ok because God had a plan and a reason for what had just happened. What happened to Paul this past weekend is still very difficult for me to swallow (probably because I am not fully trusting God), but I couldn't agree with Ryan more.

One of my other best buds Derek didn't qualify for nationals either. We were in the same situation, we both got 5^th place and needed the wrestlers who had beat us earlier in the day to get 3^rd so we could challenge for 4^th. The guy that Derek needed to win didn't and my guy did so I got the opportunity to challenge to go to nationals. Is it fair that I got the opportunity and Derek didn't? Derek works his tail off to be the best wrestler he can be and gives so much to our team. I don't know why God is allowing me to wrestle in nationals; I definitely don't feel like I deserve it any more than Paul or Derek. The only thing that I can come up with is like Ryan said, God has a plan, and even though life sometimes seems like it is not fair, when I step back and look at what God has blessed me with I realize he has been much more than fair.     

"Though here at journey's end I lie
In darkness buried deep,
Beyond all towers strong and high,
Beyond all mountains steep,
Above all shadows rides the Sun
And Stars for ever dwell:
I will not say the Day is done,
Nor bid the Stars farewell."

-Samwise Gamgee-